10 Practical Ways to Deal with Terminal Illness

Learn About Your Diagnosis

"Nothing in life is to be feared, it is only to be understood. Now is the time to understand more, so that we may fear less." —Marie Curie

Knowledge can provide a sense of empowerment in difficult situations. Gaining information and exploring further care and treatment options allows for the peace of mind to make a plan for the future.

• Learn everything you can about your disease progression. Ask your healthcare provider(s) what physical, mental, and/or emotional changes you should expect as your disease advances. Your healthcare team can also advise you about clinical trials you may be eligible for if you decide to pursue further treatment.
• Research coping strategies specific to your illness. Track down accounts by/about those with the same diagnosis to discover how others have dealt with similar news. Organizations like the American Cancer Society can provide support (including connecting through discussion boards and chatrooms), suggestions on treatment and care options, and much more.
• Learn more about the stages of end-of-life. Having a blueprint will help inform your choices and improve the quality of your remaining time.
• Consider exploring complementary and alternative medicine (CAM). Essentially, these are treatments that fall outside, or mostly outside, of conventional medicine. They include things like acupuncture, homeopathy, massage, nutritional/diet strategies, reiki, and biofeedback. You may find that one or more of these treatments enhances your mental health, improves functionality in the short term, or assists you in creating a calmer, more accepting frame of mind.

Forgive Yourself in Advance

Forgive yourself each time you don’t handle your emotions as well as you would like. There is no correct way to deal with a terminal illness, and you will experience a tremendous range of feelings in the weeks or months ahead, from anger and resentment to fear and depression.

While these emotions are normal, the ways in which you react to things and manage feelings on any given day will be unique to you. Acknowledge that some days will be better than others and simply accept that you are doing the best that you can.

Set Your Treatment Priorities

Contemplate how you wish to chart your remaining course of treatment. Making a definitive decision can help alleviate feelings of uncertainty and confusion. You know yourself best, and only you can determine what is most important to you during the time remaining.

Depending upon the nature and extent of your illness, and after discussions with your healthcare provider(s) and loved ones, ask yourself:

1. Do you wish to pursue all or some of the treatment options available to prolong your life?
2. Would you rather focus on enhancing the quality of your remaining time and spending it with your family and friends?
   

Plan for a "Good Death"

Consciously endeavor to die on your own terms. Plan for a "good death"—one in which you decide how, where, and sometimes when you will die—to ensure that you will be as comfortable and peaceful as possible. While the nature and extent of your illness, treatment methods, and the priorities you set will influence your decision, there are multiple options available to you.

While most Americans would prefer to die at home, others might choose a hospital, nursing home, or hospice facility, which can offer a greater level of skilled care. After contemplating which setting you most prefer, discuss it with your healthcare provider(s) and loved ones to make sure it is a viable option.

Talk Openly About Your Death

With so much thought and attention focused on you and your illness, it might be easy to forget that your loved ones will also experience a wide range of emotions and difficult financial decisions as they attempt to cope with losing you.

Discuss Emotions

Sit down with those who love you and discuss emotions honestly and openly. Your family and friends might feel awkward or uncertain about what to say or how to act. They may be concerned about saying the wrong thing or reminding you about your illness. Openness and willingness to discuss your situation will help to put everyone at ease.

Let them know how important their support is to you and that you will be there to support them too, as much as you can. Expressing feelings while there is time is a cathartic and beautiful affirmation of your connection to each other.

Address Financial Issues

The wisest and most practical strategy is to discuss financial and legal issues in an upfront manner, as soon as it seems smart to do so. Going over where paperwork can be found (wills, bank statements, insurance policies, etc.) is a basic step in the right direction toward opening a conversation.

Fears concerning future financial support, childcare, or other practical matters will undoubtedly cross everyone's mind at some point. Whether speaking openly about these issues allays fears or confirms possible problems, it is better for all concerned to understand the situation and prepare for it.

Establish a Practical Support Network

Create a "practical support network" to handle daily chores, cooking, pet care, cleaning, bill paying, etc. When you do this will depend on the nature and extent of your illness, and the physical, mental, and/or emotional changes you anticipate as it progresses. Consider if—and for how long—you want to continue handling these tasks yourself.

Caregivers may be limited to family or may include friends, neighbors, or the larger community. Many people start by holding a family meeting to discuss times and tasks each is available for. Options like LotsaHelpingHands (online and as an app) provide a way to communicate, coordinate care, and sustain support among a group of caregivers.

Community care programs and services vary by state, county, and community. The Family Caregiver Alliance is a good place to start looking if support outside of family and friends is needed. Their Caregiver Services by State database helps caregivers locate public, nonprofit, and private programs and services.

Get Documents in Order

Insurance

Now is the time to review and update any insurance policies you have in place.

Terminal illness insurance (or accelerated death benefit) is a feature built into some life insurance policies. Terminal illness is usually defined as a condition expected to end in death within twelve months. Your insurer pays the full life insurance benefit when you are diagnosed, not after death.

It is possible to buy life insurance despite a diagnosis of terminal illness, but expect options to be limited and premiums to be more expensive. Certain factors (your diagnosis, complications, life expectancy, and planned treatment) can impact eligibility.

Talk with your insurance agent to review your policies and directives, or to explore buying coverage.

Will 

Probably one of the first and most important actions to take after a terminal diagnosis is to create/update your last will and testament. This document provides for the guardianship of any minor children and the bequest of all property you own. You name an executor, the person who will carry out the terms of your will.

Advance Healthcare Directive

Consider creating an advance healthcare directive, which puts your specific desires about your future healthcare in writing.

This legally binding document encompasses two parts:

1. A durable power of attorney for health care, in which you name someone (a proxy) who can make medical decisions for you should you become unable to do so
2. A living will, in which you can spell out the treatments you want or don't want at the end of your life

In addition, depending on where you live, you might be able to create a Do Not Resuscitate or Do Not Attempt Resuscitation order. These documents, which both you and your healthcare provider must sign, specify that you do not want a full resuscitation effort if the time comes.

Consider donating some or all of your organs or tissue, if possible. You can include your instructions in the advance healthcare directive.

Preplan Your Funeral

Now is the time to consider preplanning your funeral or memorial service. If this is a priority, preplanning will ensure that your wishes are met and make final arrangements easier for your loved ones.

If you find this task too difficult, consider speaking to a family member or friend to let them know what you would like (burial, cremation, entombment, etc.) and the type of service you prefer (a traditional funeral in a church or funeral home, private cremation and a memorial service later, or something else).

Say What Needs to be Said

Tell your friends and family members the things you'd like them to know.

You may want to set aside time to speak to the people closest to you individually, or perhaps give a gift, or write a letter to convey whatever you would like to express.

Or, you may simply request that loved ones visit more often as your illness progresses. As your time together draws to a close, let them know what they have meant to you.

Carpe Diem

Make the most of the time that you have. Throughout life, we are told Carpe Diem, translated as "seize the day." Yet, it's important to recognize that profound and memorable moments don't just happen on exotic vacations or during big events but are occurring all around us, every day.

In the weeks or months ahead, if you find yourself overwhelmed by the tasks suggested here, or with other important things on your list, know that it's okay to just stop and take time to be present.

Watch the sunset. Hold your spouse's hand or that of your child. Listen to the birds sing. Do whatever leads you to simple, meaningful moments of joy.